Engineers explained

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I find some things untrue but it's quite funny none the less..

People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like other people. This can be frustrating to the non-technical people who have to deal with them. The secret to coping with technology-oriented people is to understand their motivations. This chapter will teach you everything you need to know. I learned their customs and mannerisms by observing them, much the way Jane Goodall learned about the great apes, but without the hassle of grooming.

Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to discern the truth.

ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST

You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked.

You...

1. Straighten it.
2. Ignore it.
3. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.

The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."

SOCIAL SKILLS

Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. "Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:

1. Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
2. Important social contacts
3. A feeling of connectedness with other humans

In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:

1. Get it over with as soon as possible
2. Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
3. Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.

FASCINATION WITH GADGETS

To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories: (1) things that need to be fixed, and (2) things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.
Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun.

No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary.feature-poor toys.

FASHION AND APPEARANCE

Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.

LOVE OF "STAR TREK"

Engineers love all of the "Star Trek" television shows and movies. It's a small wonder, since the engineers on the starship Enterprise are portrayed as heroes, occasionally even having sex with aliens. This is much more glamorous than the real life of an engineer, which consists of hiding from the universe and having sex without the participation of other life forms.

DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE

Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.

Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house. While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.

Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually irresistible men in technical professions:

1. Bill Gates.
2. MacGyver.
3. Damien Harding
4. Nick Welsh
5. Matt Nicol (even though he is not an engineer - Matt shares the interest in Star Trek . . . and the age/attraction matrix)

Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Longer if it's a warm day.

HONESTY

Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.

Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed below.

1. "I won't change anything without asking you first."
2. "I'll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow."
3. "I have to have new equipment to do my job."
"4. I'm not jealous of your new computer."

FRUGALITY

Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in optimization, that is, "How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?"

POWERS OF CONCENTRATION

If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up in the lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.

RISK

Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something.

EXAMPLES OF BAD PRESS FOR ENGINEERS


1. Hindenberg.
2. Space Shuttle Challenger.
3. SPANet(tm)
4. Hubble space telescope.
5. Apollo 13.
6. Titanic.
7. Ford Pinto.
8. Corvair.

The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:

RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.

REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.

Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.

If that approach is not sufficient to halt a project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: "It's technically possible but it will cost too much."

EGO

Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:

1. How smart they are.
2. How many cool devices they own.

The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.

Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex - and I'm including the kind of sex where other people are involved.

Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can't be done (a code phrase that means it's not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems."

At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.
 
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  32. DareDevil:
    ARIA WELLNESS โ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธADDRESS: 360 HWY 7, UNIT #6, RICHMOND HILL,647-222-5683 โ™ฅ๏ธโ™ฅ๏ธ(PHONES CALL ONLY, NO TEXT'N AVAILABLE) โ™ฅ๏ธTODAY'S Schedule!โ™ฅ๏ธ Loaded lineup with Beautiful Girls : Young RMT Student Helen, Pretty Apple๐ŸŽ, Magical Mia and Work out๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿšด๐Ÿ’ช Babe Amy! SPECIAL PROMO 30 MINS 2 GIRLS $70 ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน**TODAY'S PICKS OF THE DAY ARE ๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿญ APPLE AND HELEN๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿญ**
  33. luckywellness:
    Lucky Wellness Center 4379721888 295 Eglinton Ave E,Unit 7,Mississauga Today we have three girls working, Vivi Sarah and Kiki, they are young, sexy and cute, with good massage skills. Sarah is 23 years old and still a student, she only worked one day.
  34. Ilovezoeyonlywhenshesright:
    Hey man not gonna lie to you or anyone here, she was fantastic all around, she probably lied when saying the things she did but hit the heart strings all the same lol. She did everything under the sun with me including almost taking a test if you know what I mean. But sheโ€™s a scammer in the sense of over charging after the first session and also stealing some or more I should say of the bag we got together. Which isnโ€™t cool because just ask you know what I mean ? She charged me for a quarter of
  35. Sunrise Relaxation(416)916-7276:
    Tomorrow@Sunrise Relaxation Downtown: Tiffany, Vivian and Kitty will be on shift. Call (416)500-0921 for detail schedule and insight info
  36. Abir Oberoi:
    Delhi
  37. EMSpa_schedule:
    Tomorrow's sneak peek: On Monday June 2, 2025, our attendants will be Ivy ๐Ÿ˜˜, Vicky ๐Ÿฅฐ, Sophie ๐Ÿ˜, Mia ๐Ÿ˜ and Lucy ๐Ÿ˜. Call us at โ˜Ž๏ธ(905) 479-6668โ˜Ž๏ธ to book!
  38. wonderspa:
    wonderspa: wonderspa: wonderspa: ๐ŸŒบwelcome to wonder spaโ˜Ž๏ธ416-5000-800,L6a4H8๏ผŒwe have 4young beautiful girls working everyday,open Sunday,ensuit shower available ๐Ÿ…, friendly nice girl Sunny providing deep tissue to relax oil message back walking hot stone and nice body slide,๐Ÿ…big big boob sexy face Joey in duty,open maid,very beautiful,amazing massage,happy the end ,really popular girl,must try๐ŸŒน๐Ÿ”ฅโค๏ธ
  39. Lulu1980:
    Phoenix Blossom Spa ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน2 girls๏ผŒNina ใ€Cindy ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ5124 Dundas St W Etobicokeโ˜Ž๏ธ416-817-3366๐Ÿ‘ Table Shower Sea Salt Bath Body Scrub๐Ÿ˜˜ Japanese girl Nina โค๏ธ Natural Big Boobs 38 DD ๐Ÿ˜˜Pink Mini Nipples Hot body slide, super enjoyable๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜ very provocative service๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜, New girl Yuki Round buttocks ๐Ÿ˜œpretty boobs 36D๐Ÿ˜˜Superb service ๐Ÿ‘ massage, has therapeutic effect to loosen bones and relieve muscle pressure and will bring you unexpected service effects, she will bring you a little surprise
  40. wilson holistic centre:
    new girl works at ๐Ÿ’‹535 Evans Ave today ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•โ˜Ž๏ธโ˜Ž๏ธ416-531-6969โ˜Ž๏ธโ˜Ž๏ธ
  41. Nu spring spa888:
    ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒนsexy hot Singapore ๐Ÿ’–Spanish ๐Ÿ’– Korean girls ๐Ÿ‘working at Nu spring spa๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹โ˜Ž๏ธ416-669-8508๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน
  42. FLOWER Spa โ€“ PINK | Scarborough | TORONTO:
    PINK FS โ€“ 3300 McNicoll Ave, Unit A8 ๐Ÿ“ž 416-299-5515 / 416-817-3839 ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ท ELINA, ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡พ MONA, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ MEGAN, ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ญ AMY ๐Ÿ”Ž View Schedule: bit.ly/flowers_schedule ๐Ÿ›Ž๏ธ Booking Now: bit.ly/bookingpinklove
  43. FLOWER Spa - BLUEXADO | Thornhill | VAUGHAN:
    BLUEXADO FS โ€“ #06 1102 Centre St ๐Ÿ“ž 416-357-9797 / 416-678-8668 ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ CICI, ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡ฐ HELEN, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ MY LINH, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ JULIE ๐Ÿ”Ž View Schedule: bit.ly/flowers_schedule ๐Ÿ›Ž๏ธ Booking Now: bit.ly/bookingbluexadolove
  44. Spa in Markham:
    GOLDEN FS โ€“ 8380 Kennedy Rd, Unit C6 ๐Ÿ“ž 905-258-0777 / 416-688-6886 ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ AISHA, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ LANA, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ ROXY, ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ณ SONIA, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ด MEGAN ๐Ÿ”Ž View Schedule: bit.ly/flowers_schedule ๐Ÿ›Ž๏ธ Booking Now: bit.ly/bookinggoldenlove
  45. Nu spring spa888:
    ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒนsexy hot Singapore ๐Ÿ’–Spanish ๐Ÿ’– Korean girls ๐Ÿ‘working at Nu spring spa๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹โ˜Ž๏ธ416-669-8508๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน
  46. wilson holistic centre:
    new girl works at ๐Ÿ’‹535 Evans Ave today ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•โ˜Ž๏ธโ˜Ž๏ธ416-531-6969โ˜Ž๏ธโ˜Ž๏ธ
  47. Soul Relax Spa:
    โœจ Looking for a relaxing escape? โœ… Click Here Meet๐ŸŒธHellen๐ŸŒธValentinaCall us today for the best treatment and service experience. Click on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates ! Call now โ˜Ž 289 - 298 - 5662โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate relaxation awaits! โœจ
  48. Golden Sunshine Spa:
    โœจClick on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates and special services ! โœ… Click Here Today๐ŸŒธBrandy๐ŸŒธAkame๐ŸŒธLynda๐ŸŒธTiffany๐ŸŒธLily Call us โ˜Ž 905 - 265 - 2158โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate service awaits! โœจ
  49. SL Spa:
    ๐Ÿ’†โ€โ™€๐Ÿ’–Sexy Sunday ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’– Ultimate destination for Asian massages๐ŸŽ‰ Two fab spots: SL Richmond Hill & SL West Oakvilleโœจ Your passport to paradise with 9 enchanting girls fr China, HK, Japan โ€” ๐Ÿ†•Angela, Eva, Yoyo, Jenny, Julia, 34D Cici, Julie, Tiffany & Lindaโ€” ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ Ring us ๐Ÿ“ž647-695-6354 or text us ๐Ÿ“ฑ647-578-8169โœจ 160 East Beaver Cr., Unit 12, RichmondHill ๐Ÿ’ฐWhere Eastern charm meets Western comfort - your bliss awaits๐Ÿ™Œ
  50. Lulu1980:
    Phoenix Blossom Spa ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน2 girls๏ผŒNina ใ€Cindy ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ5124 Dundas St W Etobicokeโ˜Ž๏ธ416-817-3366๐Ÿ‘ Table Shower Sea Salt Bath Body Scrub๐Ÿ˜˜ Japanese girl Nina โค๏ธ Natural Big Boobs 38 DD ๐Ÿ˜˜Pink Mini Nipples Hot body slide, super enjoyable๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜ very provocative service๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜, New girl Yuki Round buttocks ๐Ÿ˜œpretty boobs 36D๐Ÿ˜˜Superb service ๐Ÿ‘ massage, has therapeutic effect to loosen bones and relieve muscle pressure and will bring you unexpected service effects, she will bring you a little surprise
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